Shed My Tears, Shed My Fears
by JamminGirl90
Summary: My take on the swingset scene in "Watershed". Based off of the promo and the set photos we've gotten. Minor spoilers for "Watershed" and the end of "The Human Factor".


_*A quick finale drabble based on the promo for "Watershed" as well as set photos from the episode. Minor spoilers for Watershed and the end of The Human factor._

_Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, the finale would not have this amount of pain...it would probably have more._

(Kate)

She finds him on the swingset. _Their _swingset. Her heart clenches when she sees his face. He looks calmer now, far calmer than he did when they were screaming at each other in the middle of his loft, but he still looks miserable.

Kate wonders briefly if she should give him more time, if she should leave him to his thoughts for another hour or so. But she shakes her head and goes to him. They need to talk about this. She's done with running away and avoiding the tough stuff. She's in this, and he needs to know.

The swing's chains rattle when she sits down beside him, facing the opposite direction that he is. If they're going to talk, she wants to be facing him. She wants to be able to look into his eyes. _If he'll even look at her now._

"I'm sorry," she says without preamble. Castle's head jerks up, and she bites her lip. "I should have told you about the job offer from the start. It wasn't right of me to keep that from you, so I'm sorry."

Castle nods, but remains silent. Kate hopes that he's not waiting for her to apologize for considering taking the job, because that's not something she'll apologize for.

"I'm sorry, too," he says after a minute. "I was kind of a jackass." She raises an eyebrow at him and he sighs. "Okay, I was a huge jackass. But that's not the point, is it?"

"No, it's not," she agrees. She lets out the breath that she's been holding since she sat down. "Castle, I still have no idea what I'm going to do about this job. And that's _if_ they even offer it to me. Maybe that interview is as far as it goes."

Castle looks down at his feet. "And if it isn't?"

Kate reaches over to take his hand, making sure he's looking at her before she speaks. "If it isn't, then I have a decision to make. And that's not a decision I want to make alone." She pauses. "But if I don't have your full support on this..."

Castle's face falls. "Is that what you think?" he asks, sounding despondent.

"Castle, you freaked out when I told you about the job and started talking about 'the end of our relationship'," she replies. "What else am I supposed to think?"

He grasps the hand he's holding tighter and tries to maneuver his swing as close to her as possible. "Kate, I know I got angry and I overreacted, but the reason I reacted the way I did is because I..." He swallows hard, stares at her earnestly. "I'm so scared, Kate. I know it's selfish, but I'm scared that you'll go to D.C. and you won't need me anymore. I'm terrified that if you leave, you'll forget everything that's making you want to stay."

"Castle, no," she whispers, close to tears. "That could never happen. I love you. You _know _that I love you." She takes a breath. "No matter what happens, Rick, I could _never _forget about you."

"I know, I know," he says quickly. "I'm trying not to think like that, but I can't help it. But just because I'm scared, just because I'm _terrified _of losing you, that doesn't mean I won't support you one hundred percent if you decide to go. I want you to do whatever makes you happy. And if that means that you take that job in D.C., then I'll find a way to deal with it."

Kate looks away, staring at the ground. "I don't wanna lose what we have, Castle."

"Neither do I," he says. "But I also don't want you to give up something that you really want because of me."

Her phone rings before she can respond. It takes her a minute to get untangled from Castle and the swing, and by the time she retrieves her phone, it's gone to voice mail. She looks at the number, then back at Castle. "It's my dad," she says. "I wanted to meet up with him, let him know what's going on."

Castle nods. "Go," he says. "Tell him I say 'Hi'."

She stands and pockets her phone. "We're not done talking about this," she assures him. He nods again and attempts a smile. "I love you," she tells him, needing him to have that reminder.

"I love you, too," he says softly. "Now go. I'll be fine."

She walks away with an uneasy knot in the pit of her stomach. She looks back at him, watches him for a couple of minutes before turning away. She hopes that her dad can help her sort through some of this mess, because right now she's feeling just as lost as Castle is.

And she can't lose him.


End file.
